Trigger warnings!!!
I have been sitting at my desk fiddling with my pencil, just trying anything to stay awake. I hope my teacher doesn’t notice that I can’t even concentrate on what she is saying. It all feels like it doesn’t matter anyway. She already questioned me twice about being so tired and why I need to close my eyes for a few minutes. I am worried she won’t believe me, then she will call my parents, and it will just get worse…so much worse, I know it.
It’s already worse, this is week three in a row, that my dad has come home and has been so angry with my mom. At first, the screaming would keep me awake, then my little brother would sneak into my room because it was scaring him. Poor kid, he’s only 6, of course it’s scary for him; but at least he has me, his big brother, to count on. Even me though, sitting here now in my 5th grade classes, I don’t know how long I can keep them from seeing something might be really wrong for forever. I just don’t want them to find out, because if they start asking questions, I am worried for my mom. What will he do to her? What if he gets mad at me because he thinks I snitched on him? I know it isn’t right, but I always hear of other kid’s parents always fighting, maybe this is just how it is. My dad says he feels bad afterwards, and tells her he’s sorry, but lately he just leaves and stays gone for a while. I wish I could help my mom; she seems so sad all the time now.
Last night was the worst of them all. I was laying in my bed, trying my best to ignore my parents screaming at each other again. All of a sudden, I heard my mom yell and something crashed into the floor. I sat straight up, that was different I thought. I listened really hard to see what I could hear next, but there was nothing, silence. I laid there staring at my ceiling fan swirling. I was so scared to go check, and also afraid of what I would see if I did leave my bed. I decided I should stay in my bed; it was probably just something that got accidentally bumped onto the floor. At some point, I must have finally fallen asleep. I kept waking up though, thinking I heard something crash again. The next morning, I didn’t see my mom, it was just my dad making sure we were eating breakfast and getting ready for school. I asked my dad where mom was, he just shrugged me off and said she must still be sleeping.
I was happy to see my mom when she picked us up from school that day, but something did seem really wrong; her face looked different to me. She didn’t say anything about what had happened the night before, she probably thinks I was asleep. I left it alone. I feel so alone. Everyone I think I could talk to; it feels like it would make things so much worse for my family. I hate this feeling that anything I decide to do isn’t helpful.
My little brother went to a friend’s house to play after school. I decided to play some video games in my room, just so I could maybe stop my mind from racing about everything that had been going on with my parents. I heard the front door slam downstairs and my dad’s voice. I decided I would run down and see him; maybe they wouldn’t fight if they see me and of course, awake. As I was thinking through my logic, though, I could hear the screaming starting. I rushed downstairs, still thinking if they just see me, it would all stop. They saw me all right, and I saw them too. I saw my dad push my mom hard against the wall. I was beyond scared, I thought I might pee my pants. I didn’t know what to do. Before I could stop myself, I started rushing at my dad and yelling at him to please stop hurting her; trying to pull him away from her. My dad leaned in and pushed me off with his shoulder. He turned his attention to my mom as he was throwing her down and gave her a hard kick to the side. My dad then looked at me. I closed my eyes tight and braced myself for impact. It did not come surprisingly. What was probably only seconds, seemed like eternity as he just stared at me. Instead, my dad started screaming at my mom while she laid there, sobbing on the ground, covering her head from any further harm. He was screaming it was her fault that he was acting this way, and now it was her fault that us kids have to see it too. I was stuck in this weird place in my head where I wanted to hit my dad, because I had never been so mad at him for hurting my mom and hurting our family.
As I stood there, he turned and without even looking at me left the room. I bent down immediately to check on my mom and see if she could stand up. She could, and I had never seen this side of my mom before, the anger in her eyes. There seemed to be a fire within her that I was afraid was going to only cause her to get more hurt. All my mom did, though, was wipe her eyes and tell me to go pack my backpack full of things I might need for a few days, and to make sure I do the same for my little brother. She told me to try to pack as quietly and quickly as possible. I did what my mom said, and she stayed right where I left her. Five minutes later, I had everything in tow and running downstairs. With my dad not anywhere in sight, we slipped out the garage door and into the car.
My mom was already on the phone with our neighbor that we were on our way to pick up my little brother. As I turned around to get my last look at our house, our life, and my dad’s car, I knew everything was about to change for us. It was the day my mom decided to protect herself and us. My mom might have not fought back in a physical aspect against my dad, but she still tells me to this day, all she could think about was getting us out of that house and as far away from him as possible.
I will always remember it as the day we left behind.
Family Shelter Crisis Line
580.226.6424
If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, please contact the Family Shelter Crisis Line.
National Suicide Hotline
800.273.8255
The National Suicide Hotline and the Oklahoma Child Abuse Hotline are very helpful resources. If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, or if you are concerned, someone you care about may be having suicidal thoughts, we encourage you to reach out to The National Suicide Hotline.
Child Abuse Hotline
800.522.3511
If you believe that a child/children may be victim to child abuse or neglect, we encourage you to reach out to the Oklahoma Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline. You do not need proof – concern is enough to make the call.
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By Christy Bonfiglio
Dawn Corbett is a driven, self-motivated, elementary educator, and a molder of young minds. She has taught in public education for twenty plus years. Creating original content is something that she is passionate about and gets excited about. She knows the value of confidentiality, cooperation, and being a team player. Working as an editor and blog writer has given her a valuable opportunities to develop her own intellect and a different perspective on how to respectfully communicate with others in different styles.